Things I've Learned Over 40 Years That Are Still As True Today As They Were In Days Gone By

My birthday is on Sunday. I'm posting about things related to such.

1) You get more flies with honey than vinegar.

People like happy people because when people are around happy people they themselves wind up feeling happy and then everyone is happy. Or content. Or peaceful. So if you go around acting like a sourpuss, people will tend to avoid you. I know, it sucks that you can't wail and moan about how awful life is and get tons of pats. I want to do this at times. Hell, I do it myself, but no one likes it. Not really. Though there are the rare complainy moody assholes that everyone seems to want to appease all the time. I don't know why they get to be that way. It surely doesn't seem fair.

2) Take a fucking compliment.

I love compliments. I'm usually quite thrilled to get one even if I don't really believe it because I WANT to believe it even if I don't. Thing is, if you tell the person delivering the compliment "no" in one way or another, you are either telling them they are stupid or have bad taste. Which you can go ahead and believe but just think it in your head. An improv colleague of mine, Jill Bernard, said this very thing recently and it reminded me of how true it is. Just say "thanks a lot."

3) If people perceive you as confident or accomplished, they will get irritated at you* if you show natural human vulnerabilities like insecurity.

A friend of mine flat out called me ridiculous when I insecured out a bit about something. I mean, I understood that his phrase was indicating that my insecurity was misplaced and that I had no need to feel that way, in fact, quite the opposite. That's a good thing. The truth of the matter is....sometimes I do feel wonky about things and often times there is a real history or reason for those feelings. I get that it might not do much good to note one's feelings of vulnerability but sometimes it's nice to actually admit them instead of pretending they don't exist. Why oh why can't I be insecure? Why oh why do I have to always buck up? See #1 and know that life isn't fair and bucking up teaches your nervous system that you can deal with it. Deal with it, I can

*I'm not sure why people (not my friend in this case) get pissy when they see confident people acting less than confident. Perhaps they are projecting? Anyone know a good reason why?

4) Pearls before swine, goat's beard or a stallion's tale etc etc.

Always know who your friends really are and don't be fooled by false intimacy. It happens, it always does, but knowing who really cares for you and who you can actually be vulnerable with and who will actually tell you what for and kick your ass as well as prop you up? That's important. There won't be many of those people. There will lots and lots of funtimers and enjoy them, but the real deal? Know the difference and hold them dear.

5) If you complain about a person once behind their back, its venting. After three times? You'd best get your ass to talking to THEM directly or shut the fuck up.

Triangulating and gossip is just bullshit. Once or twice to figure out the problem? To vent and connect? Sure. But you find yourself constantly bitching about someone....it's either something you need to deal with with them, or you are using their supposed flaws as currency to get attention. I've never ever done this. Neither have you, dear reader, I'm quite sure.


Extra bonus lesson:

6) Say yes, play happily with others, share.

Humans like groups. Being a "team player" is a total bullshit phrase, but man it really rings true doesn't it? Being that person who says yes, who tries hard, who adds ideas....people love that shit. If you hate teams, then be a cheerleader on the sides. Don't be a downer, just to be a pill. Don't hoard your resources, cause most likely you can always get more.

These were all true in middle, high school and college, and they are the same lessons that come up today. Funny isn't it?

Comments

  1. And this is precisely why you're one of my favorite people.

    Here's to the next forty, oh beautiful one!

    ReplyDelete

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